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Things Not Forgotten
Okay... I haven't forgotten the soon to be unveiled Psychic Revealer I promised you on 1/20/2002; she's still in the works. And two, I haven't given up on figuring out a blogsnob/pyRad type of exchange for the Testzone either. However, after the fiasco with apache and trying to configure my new ISP so that I could stay online for more than five seconds, I'm a little bit leery about entering the PHP realm and, I think I'll try to set it up with javaScript instead. But, then again I do want to learn PHP so you'll just have to wait and see what comes up on that one.

Are you really an internet junky?
I said yesterday that I was without question. So why are you questioning me?

How bout, are you content being an internet junky?
I've got to ask myself the question, whether or not I'm shutting out the "real world" by spending so much time online? And then if the answer is yes, question two = do I really want to shut out the "real world?" and if the answer to question two = yes, I'd better rewrite the pseudo code in such a way that I'm forced to deal more directly with the variables in my data field.

Are you a computer?
While most questions require a simple yes or no, 1 or 0, on or off, I fail to see the logic in your reasoning. Therefore, I must inform you that your particular kind of logic has produced an infinite loop. Since all our available memory is now going in circles, we'll just have to see the psychic about that! Stayed tuned for her infinite wisdom.

"The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple."
--Oscar Wilde

"The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing."
--Socrates
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Back on Track
There's nothing like going cold turkey on your internet connection! If I ever questioned whether or not I was an internet junky, there's no question anymore. I'd probably make a good candidate for the hard wiring humans to computers project. Part of my connection problem was due to my fooling around with apache http software (see Mental Prosthesis 1/26/2002). I uninstalled it this morning, and finally my previously unstable connection is now firmly rooted in cement boots. I can now stomp around in the way I've become accustomed to, which is having at least two browsers open with multiple windows of each, a couple of notepad files going, an image manager/viewer, and my ftp program running.

What's else is going on?
"No rest for the weary." It seems everything breaks at once. The bolt lock on my front door decided yesterday that it would no longer drop the bolt. So today means being a locksmith, or at least someone handy with a screw driver, and twenty twenty vision. I changed the lock myself about five years ago, but like everything else you don't do on a regular basis you forget the procedure, and this operation does not come with dialogue boxes. The instructions that come with the lock will be the size of something Stuart Little could read with a magnifying glass. Much cussing will be required to understand what they mean even after deciphering the tiny print. Perhaps I should try reading the instructions while in the car as that's where I do my best cussing.

Are you one of those people with road rage?
Not really, but I do metamorphose from type B to type A as soon as I turn the ignition switch. This is not pretty; there is no butterfly in this story. If you're driving in front of me, do not drive as SUV, truck or a van, because I need to see five cars ahead of me so I can plan accordingly, because (a) my car is small and I can't see over you, and (b) I don't trust you to see what's up ahead. When you take into account the number of SUVs, trucks and vans on the road, you get the picture: me tensely gripping the wheel, brow fiercely knitted, and words no mother wants to hear.

"The basis of optimism is sheer terror."
- -Oscar Wilde
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New ISP
Kinks in new isp, trouble connecting and staying connected! Can't get my mail either; so if you've been trying to reach me and haven't gotten a response, now you know why. Will respond as soon as I've ironed out the bugs.
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How Much Revealed?
If you type your name into google, what comes up? How much do you want "the world" to know? If you've been blogging for a couple of months the robots know it and show it. Therefore, I've decided to delete a small bit (0100) of information from a post. The Internal Affairs Blog Police are watching you; every tittle and jot is recorded by the robots.

Why? Are you protecting yourself or someone else?
Some things really are better left unsaid.

"As human beings, we are endowed with freedom of choice, and we cannot shuffle off our responsibility upon the shoulders of God or nature. We must shoulder it ourselves. It is our responsibility."
--Arnold J. Toynbee
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Mental Prosthesis
Yes, in these troubled times of who done what to whom, a mental prosthesis is paramount if you're hobbled by bees in your head.

Bees in your head?
Notice I didn't post yesterday? That was due to the number of bees found bumbling around in the frontal lobes. A mental prosthesis is like a Freudian bridge for the mouth; however, one must be constantly on the lookout for feet. "Four feet under", that's what they said, "if you've got bees in your head you may as well be four feet under." Now that's something you can get your teeth into.

So that's why you didn't post?
Well, not exactly. I got sidetracked off into php land; that's where the bees come in. I started thinking how cool the blogsnob ads are, and wanted to figure out how to do it without using javaScript. So I'm reading a php tutorial at daholygoat. Ah, I see I need to download the apache webserver as well as the php engine. Oh, and then I've got to find the absolute coolest freeware super text editor. The text editor I found HTML-KIT is pretty damn cool; however, then I spent way too much time downloading and installing a wide variety of pluggins for it and then figuring out how to use them. Meanwhile, I'm still on the first page of the tutorial; hours go by while I'm trying to figure out how number one, to configure the server as console, and then two, from console to server, and how to install the php engine. And why does it need my SMPT mail? I still don't know s..t about how to set up the ads using php!

What's on your plate for today?
I think I'll chew on something my own size for a change the thesis in exchange for the prosthesis; although there's nothing I like better than trying to figure out [knew] "stuff", or should I say trying to swallow more than I can chew?

"Imagine the Creator as a stand up commedian - and at once the world becomes explicable."
--H. L. Mencken

Final Note
Speaking of prosthetics here's a very weird site: cutoffmyfeet. Real? Sick? Sad? Joke? I have no idea? = Inexplicable!
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Trade Secrets
"I'll show you mine, if you show me yours", we all remember that one! Trading secrets is the beginning of building trust between two people. Don't you find that a little odd? It's not just trading histories with each other as if they were baseball cards. It's not just sharing information which ends or begins with, "now you can't tell anyone else about this...", or "you can't tell so and so..." Trading secrets is more than gossip.

What's the difference?
If it's gossip you're merely exchanging "pleasantries". A secret when revealed contains within it a part of you. The sum of those revealed parts is the measure of trust you are capable of maintaining within a particular relationship. Your measure may be larger or smaller than the measure of your friend/lover/wife/husband.

So?
Are we drawn most to those who reveal themselves, or to those who elicit the [revealer] within us? They are not necessarily one and the same.

"There is much pleasure to be gained from useless knowledge."
--Bertrand Russell
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Painter NOT Painting
How is it that I have a passion for painting, but I haven't painted in six months? How did so many "people" break in line ahead of the painter? Even "folks" like, "well I've quit drinking and I always drink wine when I'm painting so..." If you don't give what it is you love top priority, there will always be something/someone you've got to take care of, do first, or before or in the middle of.

Why don't you just start painting?
I could say I've got painters block, but it's not true. My grandmother would say, "you made your bed, so lie in it". Currently she's probably right, and that's what I'm doing, but it ain't pleasant.

What's wrong with your bed?
It's not so much the bed, as it is one of those people who broke in line ahead of the painter, right before the painter was about to make her bed. The old graduate student (see hat list) said, "if you don't let me get ahead of you, all the student loan money will be wasted." This is the last semester in which the completion of the thesis will lead to an MA, so she's in charge for another four months, while the rest of us languish in the background. Multitasking is one thing, and multipersonality is another!

Are you saying you have MPD?
Not really; I guess I'm saying I just don't want to play the old graduate student today, but I will anyway, and someday soon I'll get to be the painter again. You would think that someone who returns to school late in life would know exactly, "who/what they wanted to be when they grow up." I'm here to tell you that's not always the case, and no I'm not going to be a diletante when I grow up either.

"Every man has his follies -- and often they are the most interesting thing he has got."
--Josh Billings
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Sharing pyRads
If you've never heard of Jeremy's Prophecy, take a look. Then go here to be a supporting character in Keith Kimmmel's next novel.

What's up with you?
It's a beautiful day in Baltimore, and I've got an awful lot to accomplish today, so I guess not much to say. Where is love when you need it? I can answer my own question for a change; it's when you don't need it that you feel it. It's where you left it the last time you felt it.

Not much to say?
Wherever you are, I hope the sun is shinning, or the moon is full, and your life is filled with nuts and bolts and screws that make you want to live another day. So figure out how to give what you have "away" around the mess you're in.

"The problem is not that there are problems. The problem is expecting otherwise and thinking that having problems is a problem."
--Theodore Rubin
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Are You Dreaming Now?
"Mentalrollerderby" that's the name of my lucid dreaming site; I mention it today, because last night I had a lucid dream. It's seems that lucidity has become a rare event in my life lately.

So?
I think there is a correlation between how conscious you are in waking life and the frequency of lucid dreams. More conscious in waking life = higher frequency of lucid dreams. What was particularly interesting about the dream last night was the fact that I entered directly from the waking state to the dream state (hypnagogic). Thus arriving in the dream lucid, rather than striving to become lucid within an ordinary dream. Even when using the technique described in my prior post, my experience has most often been discovering lucidity within the dream, and not arriving fully lucid.

What happened?
I was lying in my bed, and the next thing I knew I was walking on a road along the side of a steep incline in the forest. I immediately knew it was a dream, and noticed a red roof from the house set slightly down the incline. I leapt from the road to the roof and without concern jumped/flew from the other side of the roof out over a wide valley. I flew over the valley; when I looked up I noticed storm clouds with light filtering through them. I rose up flying towards the heart of the storm and then I awoke.

3:45 Blogger Confession In Waking Life
Just purchased more pyRads; the confession part is that it's as much for me as in support of keeping blogger free. Apparently I'm now not only addicted to writing/posting everyday, but to having readers as well. Anybody got more news on the rumor about blogger charging $$ for blog service? I heard/read $30 bucks a year.

4:45 Blogger Rumor
Here's what I found re the rumors: $$$ for premium service on blogger?

"What a peculiar privilege has this little agitation of the brain which we call 'thought'."
--Hume
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Flash Psychic Revealer
Yup, that's what I'm going to be working on today. Like the Love Testing Machine, (see top left) it will use a random function to answer your most important questions. You won't find any "try later" or "comeback tomorrow" from this hot cookie, because this psychic knows what you're looking for.

So what else is going on?
Going on the wagon, going to lunch, going to play in the snow... Yeah finally it snowed here in Baltimore, we got about four inches and it's melting fast.

"In the fields of observation chance favors only the prepared mind."
--Louis Pasteur
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The Emperor's Clothes
"Those without soap throw clothes", that's a comment left by weasle on yesterday's post. I like your brain weasle, it wiggles. The turn, or slight twist of a phrase can change everything. I won't go so far as to say everything, everywhere for everybody, but I will say this: it's the flexiblity of your synaptic gaps that allow information transformation/expansion. Furthermore, allowing existence without closure enables us to continue living in a world of anxiety while not becoming anxious ourselves.

"Don't worry about people stealing an idea. If it's original, you will have to ram it down their throats."
--Howard Aiken
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Better Left Unsaid
I ran upon a blog yesterday that went on for at least two paragraphs about doing the laundry; there was even a link to a prior laundry day post. eeeeeeek! I asked myself, "is this tongue in cheek?, is this blog sarcasm?, is this the real life of someone who should watch soap operas, but blogs instead? or is this what will happen to me when I've run out of [thinks] to say?" When will I cross over from blogger to borer?

Don't you know bloggers are supposed to be kind to one another?
Yes, and god knows the thing we fear the most is being boring. Boring is probably the last thing on a very long list of things I'd rather not be.

Ah, but don't forget fear itself.
Thank you Winston Churchill, and since you brought it up, let's talk about fear. Is boring the most frightening thing to be really? When faced with boring, or x there are only a few instances in which I'd choose boring over x.

Would you rather be dead, or boring?
Aren't they the same thing? Perhaps there is a correlation, but that's not the same thing as cause and effect. If the effect is boring, then wash your hands of the hole (as in boring a hole) affair, don't look back and for god's sake don't show us the laundry be it clean or dirty.

Are you writing in code again?
But write anyway

"Any activity becomes creative when the doer cares about doing it right, or doing it better."
--John Updike

Even laundry?

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Omnipotence
Writing every morning is becoming a habit; I am intrigued by the very nature of the obsessive control an unconscious habit asserts. In the seemingly benign length of my shadow stretching across bottom of the pool, I am captivated by the sudden rippling of wind incrementally shifting my image first left and then right; the wind, a photoshop filter imposed where the only undo is to wait. However, the local weather service has issued a warning: Northeaster bearing down rapidly. All islanders should baton down the hatches. Storms pass over, we can't stop or reverse them; the only undo is to wait.

Are you still talking about writing?
Only in so far as writing is a habit, I'm talking about habits in general, both good ones and bad ones. The habits that once they've taken hold are like rust on iron and no steelwool in sight. The ones that become part of you in such a way, that you are them and they you, rather like Alice to the rabbit?

Alice to the rabbit?
Grab on to the seat railing in front of you, and hang on, cause we're going for a ride. That's right it's a bus and even though you don't usually take public transportation, you have nevertheless found your self riding one from here to there. So it's still raining, actually still pouring outside the bus window; you find yourself relatively safe and warm on the inside of the bus. However, the bus is full of strangers. You know absolutely no one else on the bus, although the driver for some reason looks familiar, but that familiarity is a fleeting thought, and passes quickly from your conscious mind. Now, what was it that the rabbit said to Alice before she fell down the rabbit hole? You don't know? Well I'm sorry. Then we'll just have to ask the psychologist about that.
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To Hon and Back
Things looking up today. That means I've gone wherever it is to be there, as in "wherever you go there you are." A friend sent an email yesterday that said, "get some altitude on your attitude!" Right. She also said she couldn't get to this Web site yesterday. I'm not sure if it's Barrysworld with a problem (i.e. too many gamers pulling the servers down), or too many visitors (dream on girl). Actually it's looking like Barrysworld is slow to load today as well, and the comments (php) are screwy, after working fine for months. Free hosting even without banners is still not perfect. There were 34 people here yesterday besides me. Woweeeee must be those blogsnob or pyRads kicking in. Somebody came here yesterday via this URL, which provides information on the Si-fi. movie Buckaroo Banzai.

Why do you care about Buckaroo Banzai?
Turns out this is where the quote "no matter where you go, there you are" comes from, which is quite similar to "wherever you go there you are". So anybody know if the "wherever" quote is a different quote, and if so who said it?

Did you watch First Monday last night?
Yeah, don't you wonder why they don't have it on Monday? If you missed the prediction I made for this show check it out. The drag queen cliff hanger ending is still possible.

"The Constitution only gives people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself."
--Ben Franklin
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Attila the Hun
Got to get myself "psyched up" to start the process of data collection today! If you've been here before and read the last few posts, you know that I'm not in the best of spirits. The "old graduate student hat" (prior post) is too large for this shrinking head at the moment. Not even exorcism can put the fire back in the pan, or realign my brain cells in a manner more pleasing. If you know any good jokes leave them in the comments, I need a good laugh, or at the very least to feel less serious in matters concerning the heart. Thus marching heartlessly into the future disguised as Attila the Hun (there's a Baltimorism there somewhere) she was unrecognizable to all she encountered.

Okay hon, where are you going with this?
To hell in a hon basket I guess. When you ask for your steak rare and it comes well done, the waitress will try to hon you out of doing anything about it. And they call this charm city. Well this snake just ain't having it well done, but then again perhaps it's one of those rare occasions when unbeknownst to you I've pulled a fast one.

"Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within."
--James Baldwin
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Nowhere to go
No amount of wailing, or ranting and raving will change the nature of my current circumstance. The next time I make a reference to my lover, someone should give me a good shaking and ask me if I'm really ready to handle the emotional trauma/drama of life in the love lane. The exit ramp is like walking into a wind tunnel with a high chill factor figured in. Traveling at the speed of light can lead to breathlessness, or it can leave one gasping for air.

So which is it?
Gasping for air as I break through the surface of the water. I came up way too fast, and I've got the bends as in gone round the bend. No amount of decompression can stop the tiny bubbles of desire from roaming randomly throughout my body.

"Fear is that little darkroom where negatives are developed."
--Michael Pritchard
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Destinations
They (the big they) say, "it's not where your going, but rather the getting there", or "it's not the destination that's important, it's the journey." Why is it we keep thinking there's somewhere to go?

• go to it
  
• go for it
  
• go @ it
  
• go away
  
• go girl
  
• go mad
  
• go any minute
  
• go halves
  
• go about it

This only goes to prove my point, and the point is this: After we've gotten "there" we've forgotten (all forms of go by the way) why we came. I think it's a verb thing. Verbs are in, and nouns are so out, and that's why it's the in and outs that count, but then again perhaps only the folks who are counting make a difference.

Have you gone around the bend or what?
That wouldn't be much of a destination, but I could console myself with the beauty of the trip.

Where are you going with this?
Would you believe, been there done that? No, I didn't think so. Well, the proof is in the pudding then... No. Okay I'm going to see my lover @ 3:00 and I'm a wee bit nervous, because we've not seen each other since I revealed this URL and...

Back home @ 3:45
Need I say more? NOT happening soooooo... it's over for good this time. You'll find no more confessions of confusion here. The Love Testing Machine spit out it's final answer and it wasn't the one I was looking for!

"Everyone is kneaded out of the same dough but not baked in the same oven."
--Yiddish Proverb
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Renovation
Faulty wiring, yes I think that's what I came here with. According to some it's the hardwiring that makes a difference, and others will tell you it's the environment. If you feel like you've shorted out, (I'm not referring to midgets and dwarfs) then you better call the electrician pronto. Do make sure that he or she is qualified to delve into matters most delicate. Some wires are better left, or right in place. Accepting the logic that follows naturally from the hardwiring argument is counter productive/irrational in terms of living in a cohesive society (i.e. "I was born bad, and therefore I'm not responsible for anything I do").

So what?
Imagine if you can, a town where the only available therapist is a behaviorist. A hard nosed thick skinned (skinnarian), a mad electrician with power to burn, he would be somewhere between Stanley Millgram and a character out of The Magus. You are a newcomer to this town and desperately in search of a therapist; a replacement for that the oh so nice Rogerian you left behind. Each individual you encounter makes you feel more and more like George Bailey when he discovers that Bedford Falls is Pottersville, but you're alone here with no Clarence to wake you up at the proper moment.

Okkkkkkay already, I'm there. Now what?
Alrighty then, you admit that you feel like the new woman in the Stepford Wives, who's questioning the motives of everyone. Well, sounds like you definitely need a therapist; you've bloghopped, or is it bloghobbled yourself into a dicey position, only to find that the road leads back to the electrician.

"Humor is perhaps a sense of intellectual perspective: an awareness that some things are really important, others not; and that the two kinds are most oddly jumbled in everyday affairs."
--Christopher Morley
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Alien Nature
Survival in a world of extroverts is a complex task, which can sometimes leave the introvert in a state of suspended animation. Rather like a cryogenics wake-up call, you find yourself in totally unfamiliar territory. On the other hand, you might awake to a world turned in on itself. Everyone hurrying here and there with eyes averted. All men created equally alone on a train full of riders staring straight ahead, not noticing the twists and turns of track are an endless circle. Those of us who are introverts from the past will soon understand the value of the extroverts we sometimes took for granted and perhaps even disdained in our former lives. Now surrounded by folks like ourselves with a natural inclination to isolate from others, the value of the nature of the extrovert is quite clear.

It's easy to imagine a love relationship between an introvert and an extrovert, or between an extrovert and another extrovert (although the competition can be deadly), but can you imagine what would pass for a love relationship between two introverts. Both of the poor dears expecting the other to be mind reader, and neither one willing to reveal anything without being prompted. What we need here is emotional viagra (prior post).

Viagra again, are you horny or what?
You know they have 12 step programs for everything these days.

• 12 steps to larger breasts
  
• 12 steps to orgasm
  
• 12 steps to better understanding
  
• 12 steps to becoming...
  
• 12 steps to riches
  
• 12 steps for bitches
  
• 12 steps to blogging
  
• 12 steps to MPD
  
• 12 steps to imortality
  
• 12 steps to tumble down
  
• 12 steps go underground
  
• 12 steps to you name it

"All life is an experiment."
--Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Nanotech
If you find that even the smallest things can tick you off, it's time to purchase a new clock. The weather prediction is for 60 degrees in Baltimore, and I'm feeling about 60 degrees off center today. Just guessing, but I think that means I'd better straighten up my act.

What ARE you talking about?
Acting out is so over, so I guess I'll be acting in a fashion more suitable to my circumstances. Circumstances being such as they are, preclude any crossing of borders. In other words things are all f---ed up.

You're evading the issue. What things?
Kind of like, "he can shout, don't hear you" wav from the Firesign Theater.

Later: Sometimes the smallest things can make a big difference, and I'm not talking about subtraction. I was beginning to think that I would never again hear from my lover (i.e." things are all f---ed up") after sending this URL (see prior post), and that I would be dragged away ranting and raving by the blog URL police. Then miraculously a letter appeared in my email account, and with a quivering finger I clicked on the mail. I discovered I'm not in the doghouse as far as I know, or at least not yet.

"Only the spoon knows what is stirring in the pot."
--Sicilian Proverb
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Something to Cry About
Brilliant stars,
Van Gogh as whirling dervish,
trying to avoid black holes.
Careening through the barriers,
knowing no limits.
Only then did I see you, and you saw me.
Now I need a GPS to locate myself.
Off center,
off course,
please identify yourself.

We are tracking your position
and regret to inform you;
without the proper parameters in place,
we will no longer be able to support
your misappropriation of fun.
Please be advised: you are entirely on your own.

This is protected airspace!
But, I didn't even inhale.
Particles of our air were found in your...

Inspection of your bags revealed:
Twelve rumors roasting
Eleven debts outstanding
Ten tongues a wagging
Nine ladies crying
Eight affairs illicit
Seven sexual hangups
Six goofy sayings
Five frazzled nerves
Four buried memories
Three explosive issues
Two bones of contention
And one sordid past.

"Nothing can cure the soul but the senses, just as nothing can cure the senses but the soul."
--Oscar Wild
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Crossover Cars
Advertising gone mad: said in a promotional ad on TV last night - "If you can't define it, people are talking about it." What are they talking about? Crossover cars are indefinealbe. Is it an SUV, a truck or a car? One of the new models due for production on a limited basis this year has 5 different detachable body styles. The image that comes to mind is of a fickle and aging 007 sliding the hangers back and forth on a rack, while deciding which body suit to wear and don't forget the viagra.

Aren't cars an American male sex symbol?
You know how people resemble their dogs; they also resemble their cars. The crossover car business is allowing you to have 5 dogs; thus no one will ever be able to discern exactly which dog you most closely resemble. Cross-dressing for cars = the ultimate American male sex fantasy. Why bother to reinvent the wheel, when you can impersonate a car.

Impersonate a car?
Really the car is a personification of the man, or the "projection" of the car as me, or as in hard to pin down.

Why are you talking about cars? What's really going on?
I guess I feel the need to reinvent myself this morning, and I don't really know how to. So I'm projecting an image of shimmering and shiny, like the light reflected off a new chrome bumper. I don't think they make chrome bumpers anymore; they're out of date.

"It was when I found out I could make mistakes that I knew I was on to something."
--Ornette Coleman
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Get Serious
My grandmother would say, "it's time to get a move on." Time to stop fooling around and get back to work on my thesis...yuck is what comes to my mind. I just don't want to, but I've got to. I'd much rather fool around with flash and programing and anything else but! Also I gave this URL to my lover after all my ambivalence over whether or not to do it.

What's that got to do with anything?
It might mean I won't say as much as I used to here, or maybe not. I've got lots of other hats, besides romantic fool. So maybe I'll just put that one in the back of the closet for a while. It's possible that I've been wearing it backwards anyway, and I'm way too old to be wearing it backwards.

"If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe."
--Carl Sagan
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Hello Lovers
For all those young at heart or little kids out there, the Love Testing Machine now has a permanent home on the right side of this page. Finally debugged the flash scrip so the answer is random (just like real life!).

What can I do; I don't like my test results?
This site is NOT responsible for your test results or any decisions you make based on the results of your tests. Furthermore, we do not claim to know much of anything about anything, and therefore cannot be held responsible for anything.

"WARNING: Keyboard Not Attached. Press F10 to Continue."
--Anon.
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The Machine
When you haven't worked with a program for a while you forget just what does what. So I'm busy creating (trying to remember how to create) a function for the random selection of "loves me" or "loves me not" flash file for the machine. You can either accept the answer given as definitive, or press your luck until you get the answer you're looking for. Once I get all the kinks ironed out, I'll post the Love Tester permanently on the right side of the blog page.

So what; who cares?
Only little kids probably, but little kids are sometimes smarter than you think. Stastically speaking the odds are "most likely" NOT in your favor. However, if you don't like the odds get away from the craps table.

"The best way to predict the future is to invent it."
--Alan Kay
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All Day
Here I am in relation to what's going on all f---ing day: LoveTesting Machine the file by the way - I'm pushing the limits (i.e. if you're here tonignt you can ripoff this flash file with no screaming crap (me yelling at you)! If you're not here now, it will be gone tomorrow, because then it will be a protected file. (Jan. 6, 2002=too late) So here it is all finished!, or maybe half baked!

I never think of the future. It comes soon enough.
--Albert Einstein
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Dreamer
On New Year's Eve I had a nightmare; one of those where you keep trying to wake-up, only to find yourself still dreaming, but you don't quite know it's a dream as you struggle with the fear, and instinctively push towards the surface. In lucid dreaming terminology this would be classified as a pre-lucid dream, because you are lucid in the sense that you are "trying to wake-up."

What is a lucid dream?
A lucid dream is a dream in which you know you are dreaming. Eighty percent of the population has experienced at least one lucid dream in their lifetime, and between 10% and 20% of the population are frequent lucid dreamers (2 or more a month). It's that instant of recognition that qualifies it as lucid. The realization may be brief, or it may last for an extended period of time and include control of the dream.

Can the frequency of lucid dreaming be increased?
Yes, there are techniques which can increase the frequency. Just paying more attention to your dreams in general is a prerequisite to lucidity. Paying attention means keeping a dream journal, keeping it by the bed, and writing down the details of your dreams upon awakening, even in the middle of the night.

What else can I do?
Develop what's called critical facility. In the jargon of lucid dreaming, critical facility is a questioning attitude towards events/situations/reality. One particular technique for increasing critical facility is to ask yourself the question through out the day: am I dreaming? Look around and see if things are odd or out of place. The more often you do this in waking life the more likely you are to ask yourself the question while you are dreaming and then the answer will be yes!

How can I remember to question myself?
Buy yourself a new bracelet or take one out of the drawer that you never wear. Wear this bracelet all the time, and when you notice the bracelet ask yourself if you are dreaming.

Why would I want to go to all this trouble?
Trust me, once you've experienced a lucid dream you'll know. The moment when you realize that you are dreaming is so exquisite; perhaps it should be described as a mental orgasm. You have to guard against becoming so excited that you wake-up. As you become more accustomed to dreaming lucidly, you will find that the benefits far outweigh the trouble. Nightly adventures await you; so go for it.

"Minds are like parachutes; they work best when open."
--Lord Thomas Dewar
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Calendar Days
Just ripped off the first page of the Gary Larson Far Side Calendar; you've got to love that guy. Some of the best things in life are very, very funny. Perhaps we should protest in Washington; we just don't have enough funny guys on the Supreme Court. Clarence Thomas is burnt out and should stop clowning around; after all it takes more than one clown to stop a date with a pie. Somehow I doubt that the new series (First Monday) based on the Supreme Court is going to be a sit. com., but then again you never know. Maybe the first episode will be paid for by Coca Cola, and will feature a guest appearance by Anita Hill. She turns out to be a beautiful drag queen spurned by the homophobic Thomas, but only after the hidden facts are revealed in chambers. The cliff hanger, end of the season episode would find the now diagnosed with cancer Thomas, cruising the local drag queen haunts in search of a joint to ease the nausea associated with his chemo treatments. In the final minutes of the show we find him under the influence of the drug ("without medical benefits" --Clarence Thomas); we're left to wonder over the summer if he will consummate his reunion with the beautiful Anita who provided the evil weed.

Do you think everything is funny?
Mostly yes. It's a point of view kind of thing. It's when the laughter goes against your "cherished" point of view that we tend to chafe at the bit. Be it a bit part, a bitter pill or a bit more than you can handle when the laughter stops the bitterness sets in. If you find yourself with a bitter taste in your mouth, it might be good time to take your foot out.

"Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh."
--George Bernard Shaw
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Da Shoes
Yes I wore da shoes, and no I didn't end up in the Jersey Meadowlands. The party was small (twenty people tops). My lover arrived around 11:30 as anticipated; I supose/suspect the earlier part of the evening was spent with folks I've been deemed to have nothing in common with.

Why do you think that?
No explanation of the early part of the evening was forthcoming, and thus elicited my parameter "I respect your privacy mode." So barring devine revalation, I have to draw my own conclusions. Left to my own devices I'm likely to assume that (True != True and False != False) and come up with some vaiation of the two.

In psuedo code it reads:
if (explanation = 0) then
u = privacy mode;
i != questions;

else if (explanation > 0) then
u = connected;
i = connected;

else if (none of the above = True) then
u ++ i < connected;

What do you really think?
Sometimes I think just being alive counts for enough; but I don't always think this way. Sometimes I think my account has been shorted, and I end up feeling cheated by my own inadequacies. Hmmmm, perhaps I should say shortcomings.

"Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted."
--Albert Einstein
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