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Broken Toe
No, that is not the name of an Indian chief. It's what happened to my foot, and no, it had nothing to with my mouth this time.

What happened?
Night before last, my friend Abbott stepped on it. It was a hammer toe to begin with; so it was already quite misshapen. No, I do not wear spike heels with pointy toes. Anyway, so now the toe is purple and swollen. While I have a predilection for purple, I do not like it on my toe.

What are you going to do about it?
According to the internet, it will probably heal on it's own; however, they don't have a page for both hammer and broken. You can read about broken or hammer, but not broken hammer. Ice, ibuprofen and elevation are the answers. None of which are conducive to spending time on the computer. Well that's not entirely true, it's only the ice and elevation that will inhibit my proclivity for spending time here.

Are you whining?
Yes, I'm such a baby when it comes to pain, and quite ruffled by not being able to do exactly what I want, when I want. Hmmm... I'm not only a baby, but a spoiled baby as well. Curses and claws, maybe that's what I should read about - claw hammers.

"When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on."
--Franklin D. Roosevelt

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AAAaaaah Running Smoothly
Back online proper. Thank God! Don't really know what was wrong, but after deleting a couple of programs, running scandisk, disk cleanup and defrag things seem to be okay again. Don't you hate that? The absolute worst.

What's new?
Just send off thesis copies to other readers. Now must get student loans deferred one more time. Here's the new painting. The actual size is 18" x 24". This one looks better in "real life" than it does on the net.

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Connection Proplems
How boring! How furstrating! Lucky for me I have good ole Netzero as a backup. So finally I connect; go to my isp (cheap, cheap, cheap) Hawk Comunications, where until now I've encountered very few problems. No sign there of any down for service etc. It's that damn check your password crap. Now we all know our freaking passwords; so I'm stumped. Already tried the old "if in doubt reboot", NOT. Anyway, if you don't see me for awhile, it's because I can't connect.
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Tuesday Too # 14
1.) What's the best thing you did over the holiday weekend?
Very traditional Memorial day picknic yesterday complete with grill and family members. On Sunday I had a friend over for brunch and on Saturday night I had several friends over for cocktails. All in all I had a great weekend so I find it hard to choose.

2.) Who would you want to spend the afternoon/evening with getting the answers to all your questions? What do you really want to know from this person/animal?
My painting instructor would be my person to spend the day with. I have many questions about color, and combinations of color.

3.) Why do you think "there must be more to life than having everything"?
Having everything would be a good place to start, although they say the lottery winners invariably go down the tubes. What is there to want that's not included in everything. It's the thing word. People are not things, however much they act as if they were, and you can't have them really, but you can relate to them. So I would have to say, relationships are the more that make the recipe exquisite. That's what the "crazy" little dog Jenny found out too.

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Summer Moon
The summer solstice is June 21st.

So?
It's a day of magic and ritual, and right now it's lightening outside like crazy, so I'll have to get back to you on this. Oh hell with it anyway, I just hope it's not raining in the kitchen! NOT there it goes again; better sign off for now.

Well, the thunder and lightening are farther off now, and we're twenty minutes closer to the solstice. The longest day, one thing that means is that the long shadows will be much later in the evening. That special light that I love to paint will be later in the day. The solstice means new beginnings and wondrous mystery.

Do you really believe all that stuff on the link?
No, but I do believe there are times for rituals, and the rituals impart the meaning and mystery of the unconscious to the conscious. Rituals enable us to glimpse what is behind the vale if only for a moment. We find ourselves awake and aware that we are awake, in other words conscious of being conscious. It's like becoming lucid in a dream; only this time it's becoming lucid in waking life. I'm not trotting out that stuff about "life is a dream/illusion", although the waking up bit does have that flavor. A heightened sense of awareness (self-awareness) is the key concept, because one must first be aware of oneself, before one can appreciate the value of another awareness.

Where are you going with this?
Once I felt I was the moon, and the moon was me, and it was visual as well as mental. It was along time ago, and I was practicing an eye focus technique from one of Carlos Castenada's Don Jaun books. If you've ever seen those Third Eye books, that's the kind of letting your eyes change focus I'm referring to. So there I am lying in bed, my head pointing towards the north, and I can see the full moon outside my window. Once my eyes had focused on the moon so that I was seeing two moons, I tried to focus on a spot between the two moons. At that moment the moon and I were one. I was terribly aware of myself and not, and at the same time aware of the moon, and not.

Why are you telling us this?
Because it has to do with the moon, rituals, and magic and I think on the summer solstice we should all perform a little magic.

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Elliott Rules
Elliott rules?
Yes, that's my cat Elliott, who's taken over the controls. Do not attempt to adjust your monitor, or try distract him with your mouse. He's here to tell you about another project.

What project?
If you are among the fortunate few owned by your cat, you are hereby ordered to go participate in the Cat Bloggers Project. Furthermore, you will refrain from all things not cat related, or else you will visited by the kittykat police.

My goodness your cat is so bossy. What else does he want me to do?
He strongly suggests that you visit the new blog luf, where Leah and Judean exchange/rearrange ideas about luf, life, friendship and art.

Will we be seeing more of Elliott?
He's trying to convince me he should run an advice column here on Thursdays. He does seems to have a firm grip on mouse technology, Jungian shadow chasing, the psychology cattiness, and he has catty-cornered the market on catophobia.

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Tuesday Too # 13

1.) Do you have a "little kid" adventure story? Consider the term "little kid" relative to your age.

2.) What issue would you like to see the Supreme Court of the United States grapple with, or perhaps there's a case you feel they should re-think? Why this particular issue or case?

3.) What is the URL of the most weird site, or the URL of what you consider a dangerous site? If it's a dangerous site, why do you think it's dangerous.

4.) You wake-up on death row, and you realize it's not a dream. Even though there is copy of Death Row for Dummies on your bed, you decide to question the guard. What do you ask, and what advice does he/she give you?

Post your URL in the comment.

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Comment Tag
Okay, I might manage to post something if I can stop playing comment tag with Chad.

Continued from yesterday:
For what seemed along time the farmer just stared at us, the little dog on the rope, and the horse standing behind us. He called out to his wife, "June, come see who's at the door." June arrived at the screen door complete with apron, and flour on her nose and hands. "These here two girls are looking for a job", he said. "Well" she said smiling, "maybe they can help me out in the kitchen a bit, but we can't pay much of anything". "Oh no" we said, "we want to work outside with the horse, and we don't need any money." "Humph" he said, "I don't think rightly of girls doing farm work". Trish piped up, "We won't be any trouble; we'll do whatever you tell us". "I'm not promising anything, but you come on by on Saturday, and I'll see if there's anything you can do. But don't be bringin that dog; Sue don't usually like dogs." "Who's Sue?", I said. Finally he smiled and said, "That there horse you gots hanging out behind you."

Trish and I got home an hour later than when we were supposed to. No problem for Trish; her mother worked, and wouldn't know what time Trish got home. However, I saw my mother waiting out in the yard for me as I came over the hill. I knew she was going to be mad, because I was late. Little kids don't get it they're mad, because you scared them, your parents I mean. So into the driveway, I come pulling the, now hungry little dog along with me. "You know your father won't let you have a dog, but lets hook him up to the clothes line and give him something to eat."

"Maybe daddy will like this one", I pleaded with my mother, as we rummaged through the refrigerator for something the dog would like. "Why doesn't daddy like dogs anyway?" I asked. "When he was little like you he got bitten by a dog, and had to have lots of shots in his stomach." "In his stomach?" "That's what happens if they think a dog might have rabies and they can't find him." "But this dog doesn't have rabies." "Here" she said, "take this out there and give it to him." I peered down into the bowl, "Are you sure dogs like mashed potatoes?" My mother gave me her most I know everything look, and said, "if they don't have rabies they like mashed potatoes."

To be continued...

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True Confessions
Okay I confess, even though horse racing is not where my heart is, I did end up watching the Preakness at PJ's Pub. The sun managed to break through the clouds at the last the gasp. War something, or other won. What kind of name is that? Anyway the guy next to me and I were screaming for War something or other, because since Seattle Slew died (May 7, 2002) there's no triple crown winner living. Well after finding the link for Seattle Slew I now know the name is War Emblem.

Why are you telling us this; we read the news?
Because, I want to tell you a story from when I was a little kid.

My friend Trish and I, (prior post on Trish and little kid stuff with dogs) would walk home from elementary school with "stray" dogs we found at school. We were supposed to ride the bus home, because, not only was it 3 miles home, part of the way was along a highway (it's the fifties so it was only a two lane highway). I was probably 8 or 9 and didn't have a dog, and desperately wanted one. At the time I had a cat named Buttons, who was an unaltered male cat. Buttons wanted nothing to do with me; his sole occupation, besides working at the KittyKat Super Market, was sniffing out where the female cats in heat were hiding. Mostly I think they were hiding in the meat packing room at the KittyKat Super Market, but Buttons was so busy at work; he didn't have time to think along those lines. He was mainly in charge of the produce section and had little contact with the meat department folks. Anyway this was long before I realized I was a cat person, rather than a dog person, if you know what I mean. So, on one of these long walks home dragging someone's poor dog behind us, we decided to take a short cut across a farm, which would cut off probably a mile, from what seemed at the time a very long journey. While crossing the farm we encounter a huge black horse, wandering aimlessly about. Being astute little kids, and "girls who by their very nature" love horses, we made friends with the horse. We patted her and prodded her along up toward the farm house, where we knocked loudly on the front door, and asked in our most respectful voices if we could have jobs on the farm.

When I think back on this I'm astounded that we did what we did. Those were the times, when being naive and innocent could get you a very long way if you didn't get into trouble. We never got into trouble; we got a very long way indeed. To be continued...

I finished my red pepper painting today, and I'll take some pictures of it tomorrow, when I have access to my Dad's digital camera. I feel pretty pleased with the painting, although when I first started it I felt like, "OMG! have I forgotten how to paint?" I'll try to finish up on this horse/dog story tomorrow.
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Where the Heart is
What exactly makes your heart swell and you eyes spill over with tears of joy? Sometimes I think I know. Sometimes it's a dream. I can tell you where it's not. The Preakness, although I'm sorry that it's raining for those folks who dream of horse racing. The Inner Harbor, while it's a lovely place, it's not the "real Baltimore". It's no accident the TV series Homicide was set in Baltimore, although that's another story. I like Baltimore for the small town community atmosphere, within a big city environment (crime statistics not included).

So where's your heart?
I'm getting to that, and I'm getting to that because of an inspiring post titled "Sweet World" by Jeneane Sessum. She said, "Everywhere there are people with hearts open."

What does that mean to you?
It's a place within each of us. If the whole world lived in a place such as this. The vulnerability would overpower the aggression and peace would take her rightful place on center stage.

That's quite a mouthful.
I know, and for once I don't have my foot in it! It's the vulnerability one experiences when allowing one's self to fall in love no matter what the consequences. Perhaps, we don't allow ourselves to fall in love; it just happens, and we are powerless to prevent the vulnerable state we find ourselves in. Power and vulnerablility are odd companions; unwilling bedfellows sharing the same pillow. Bedfellows, now that's an odd combination as well; are they gay?

Of course they're not gay!
Okay then, I'm getting off topic here.

Getting off on, or from what?
Having an open heart, and the vulnerability, that openness per se entails is a key element in being alive. So I guess I'm saying it's dead people who are antagonistic, or more precisely, it's frightened people who cause the boat to rock in such a way that we may all be capsized at any moment.

I'm not sure I'm following you.
My heart is not always available to me. Sometimes I don't know where my heart is. What does that mean? It means that openness or joy come unexpectedly, and if I embrace that openness as she passes by, I am capable of going along and experiencing a better world. Openness invites openness in others. So when I catch a glimpse of her in me or you I hold on for dear life. This is a place where solitude is shared; however, odd that may be.

"Children love to be alone because alone is where they know themselves, and where they dream."
--Roger Rosenblatt

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DEAR ABBY STUMPERS
These too funny cries for help arrived in my email this morning, and I can't resist passing them on. The following are actual letters that Abigail Van Buren (Dear Abby) admitted she was at a total loss to answer:

Dear Abby,
A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher, and the other is a social worker in her mid twenties. These two women go everywhere together, and I've never seen a man go into their apartment or come out. Do you think they could be Lebanese?

Dear Abby,
What can I do about all the sex, nudity, language and violence on my VCR?

Dear Abby,
I have a man I never could trust. He cheats so much I'm not even sure this baby I'm carrying is even his.

Dear Abby,
I am a twenty-three-year-old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It's getting expensive, and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with him.

Dear Abby,
I suspected that my husband had been fooling around, and when I confronted him with the evidence he denied everything and said it would never happen again. Should I believe him?

Dear Abby,
Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?

Dear Abby,
I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now, how do I get out?

Dear Abby,
My forty-year-old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50 an hour every week for two- and-a-half years. He must be crazy.

Dear Abby,
Do you think it would be all right if I gave my doctor a little gift? I tried for years to get pregnant and couldn't, and he did it.

Dear Abby,
My mother is mean and short-tempered. Do you think she is going through her mental pause?

Dear Abby,
You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex years ago and he IS a doctor. What now?

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Blog Sisters
I've added Blog Sisters to the permanent links on the side bar. It's a pretty amazing place, where women "talk" with women of all ages about issues ranging from individual concerns to global problems and possible solutions. Sometimes they're hilarious, and sometimes they're dead serious. They are always "in your face", and they don't hesitate to shout out about what's going on, and what to do about what's going on. Now that my thesis is mostly behind me, I plan on being a more frequent contributor to the ongoing dialogue/discussions. Check them out; if you're a "sister" maybe you'd like to blog there.

I'm also adding a group called the Baltimore Blogger to the side. These are folks in my city who blog; I haven't yet met them in person, but this too figures in my plans.

What happened with the red pepper painting?
I got side tracked with various organizational [crapola] yesterday, but it's on schedule for today. I'll post a link to it when I finish it. Here's a link to one of the paintings I did last summer.



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Hooray Whorah
Yes it's almost over; my advisor sent an email saying the thesis is ready for the two other readers! THANK GOD. When it's actually getting published, I'll put it up on Mentalrollerderby.

What the hell is mentalrollerderby?
My site on lucid dreaming, which I put up in 98, so I could get rich selling books through Amazon. NOT. Oh well, I suppose I'll never be rich, although I would highly recommend it to those of you who can afford it.

Afford it?
That's an old Mr. Potatoehead saying. He told me, "if life is expendable then you can't afford to miss out."

Miss out on what?
Anything you put your mind to. As in mind your own business. I used to have my own business, but it went under due to computers of all things! Between 1990 and 95' I ran a small screen printing shop, which catered to the exhibit industry. When it became obvious that I couldn't continue to make a living running the shop, I went back to school. Now you'd think at my age that I'd know what I wanted to be when I grow up. NOT And you would also think, I'd have enough sense to know I can't make a living being an artist. NOT I'm going to start my painting of the red pepper today.

"The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious."
--Albert Einstein

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Tuesday Too # 12
1.) The "ideal" body image has changed over time. During the last 50 years, not only has the image changed; the image is in your face in a way it's never was before (i.e. television). I remember the skinny guy on the back of the comic books, watching forlornly as the muscle boy got the girl, who BTW was not skinny as she would be today (an advertisement for pumping iron). Is it important to you, or your partner that you resemble the current ideal image? Why or why not?

2.) The Boston Avon 3 Day Walk for Breast Cancer (60 miles) starts on May 17th. My sister and her daughter are going on this trek across generations and gender; it can strike at any age, and while it is uncommon, men also can get breast cancer. Why is it important to give up your time unselfishly for others? Is there an issue or circumstance in your life/family that you would be willing to give up 3 days for? Is there an organization or community action that you are part of, or support that we should know about?

3.) Are you the black sheep, or prodigal son/daughter of your family? How come?, and If not tell us who is and why?

"To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a little better; whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is the meaning of success."
--Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Turn Beauty Inside Out
What does that mean?
It's about how women/girls are portrayed in the media; it's about what beauty really is or should/could be. It's the Blog Sisters burning issue of the month. It's May 15th; check it out.

Why should I care?
Because you're a woman, or because you' re a father, or a husband, or a brother, or a friend of a woman/girl. Because you care about children and the silent/covert messages they receive via the media. The concept of beauty and what it means might be a good topic for the Tuesday Too questions. Tune in tomorrow.

"The last of the human freedoms is to choose one's attitudes."
--Victor Frankl

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Catching Up
Just a wee bit behind; I think I'll drop down and answer my own questions a day late! It's most amazing the questions appeared at all.

Why?
Somehow Monday was one of those chaotic and unruly days, who had no notion that she would be followed by Tuesday. The personification of Monday is an interesting idea to toss about.

Upon entering the bedroom, Gloria found her royal blue Monday undies had undergone a strange transformation. Her once petite and oh so silky feminine underwear, her absolute favorite with the tiny red embroidered lettering had grown to such proportions they would now be suitable only for an elephant. As a matter of fact Monday was covering the entire queensize bed, and it appeared that she was still growing. Horrified, Gloria flattened herself up against the wall, as the now quite large Monday oozed off the bed and stood up, gathering her royal blue folds into fabulous pleats that dropped from the splash of red embroidery emblazoned on her forehead. "But it's Tuesday" cried the now quite frightened Gloria as she edged her way towards the door. "I could care less what day it is", shouted Monday, "and I don't think it's any of your business anyway!" Gloria was beside herself, well almost, actually she was beside Monday which turns out to be worse than being beside yourself, or beside Tuesday for that matter. Gloria was rattled; her thoughts bounced like a broken sting of pearls on a newly polished hardwood floor. "Oh my God, that's the string of pearls my mother gave me on the day I married Ken, or was it Brad, or Dick." Monday threw back her head and roared with laughter, but the blue pleats shook with anger, and then she said, "there is absolutely no order, and yet, everything is as it should be."

What about the questions?
Some other day perhaps.

"Don't take life seriously because you can't come out of it alive."
--Warren Miller

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Tuesday Too # 11
1.) Over the last few months I've run across a few blogs (disappearing blogs) that state "I've stopped blogging because..." Why might you consider stopping your online journal? If nothing could stop you, and you're totally committed to blogging Why?

2.) You arrive at the gates of heaven, and the gatekeeper says, "there's been a mistake..." What mistake? or Who is mistaken about what?

3.) There is a theory in Psychology about silencing the self. Current research looks at whether men and women differ in how much they silence themselves and at what time/stage in a relationship they do so. On Chad's site I once read a post. about how men's blogs differ from women's blogs. Do you think this is true and if so how do they differ?

Post your URL in the comment.

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Real Progress
Yeaaaaa! Only a bit of rewriting/rewording to do on the discussion section, submit the whole damn thing, hold my breath and then the thesis will finally be over. The weird thing is that with all my bitching and moaning through the process (section by section), I think I could do it again without too much trouble. NO, I'm not going to continue my education.

What are you going to do?
Start a new painting. I haven't done any painting since August and I'm so looking forward to it. I've been holding onto a gift certificate to an art supply store since Christmas. Tomorrow I'll go and cash it in on some new paint and brushes. The painting that's been floating around in my head for about two months is a blow up of the inside of a red pepper.

A red pepper?
My mother came for dinner in early March and she brought me a large red pepper. The next afternoon I wanted to put some pepper in the soup I was making. Instead of cutting it in half and scooping out the insides, I just cut a fair sized piece out of it and left it with that opening. The colors, patterns, texture, seeds were truly amazing.

"All that I desire to point out is the general principle that Life imitates Art far more than Art imitates Life."
--Oscar Wilde,

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Progress, or Lack There of
I've been a total slacker this week. Going into cyberspace withdrawal is the only remedy for overcoming the latest thesis procrastination crisis. If I can remain focused and stay on track, I should be able to write the last section today. Before consigning myself to the outer realms, I want to tell you that Eden, also known as Helena Handbasket has come up with some way cool, and very funny stickers.

"It is not necessary to change. Survival is not mandatory."
--W. Edwards Deming

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Maryland Tornado
Apparently the weather forecasters in the Washington DC and Baltimore area did a poor job of letting people know the storm was on their doorstep. Here's Morie's eyewitness account of the tornado as it passed by her house, just up the road from La Plata. This picture was taken from the Calvert Cliffs Nuclear Plant, just as the tornado became a waterspout. The National Weather Service issued a tornado warning only minutes before it hit. Prior to that it was a "only" a severe thunder storm warning. In Baltimore, which is about 50 miles from La Plata the only information about it was a small blue band at the bottom of the TV screen with a red and yellow tornado warning scrolling across.

How come you didn't post this sooner?
Sometimes I get so caught up in my own small world I forget the large picture. Being aware of the large picture, means realizing we really do have a limited amount of time on this planet. For a reminder of "things I wish I done" see Elaine's post on BlogSisters.

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world."
--Mahatma Gandhi

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