Art Attack Central
Fixing stuff, myself included…
Heart
My friend Abbott is home after spending three days in the hospital. He did not have the angioplasty, because it turns out that was just about as risky as not having it. He’s not a young guy, buy rather a very young 80 year old guy. We had dinner last night in one of our favorite Korean restaurants (Niwana on 33rd St.) and I asked him what he thought was his greatest adventure. “Well probably one night in Batum on the coast of the Black Sea when we had to…, or I might have to say it was one night in the mid fifties when we found the… in Tehran”. He traveled extensively up until about 10 years ago. The …s are things I can’t tell you, but I can tell you they’re not war stories, although he has plenty of those including a bullet wound and being run over by a tank during the battle of the bulge.
Why are you telling us this?
I guess, because as I witness his struggle to survive and appreciate the incredible life he has led, I struggle with my own delusions of life everlasting. And, since it’s not demonstrably ongoing I feel a sense of urgency to make the very most of what I have. Now if I could live with that attitude on a moment by moment basis, in other words keeping that idea constantly in my awareness I just might be able to live a life worth living.
So?
If we are always struggling to keep up with what we’ve left behind, or failed to remember then we don’t have time to live while we’re living.
Where are you going with this?
That’s just the point exactly. Sometimes it’s the getting going that takes you away from the being there. I know that sounds simple, but there are future/imagined future things that set themselves in front of the present. In a convoluted way that makes sense, because of course the future is always in front of the present.
“It’s always too early to quit.”
–Norman Vincent Peale
Changing Gears
My best friend is having angioplasty today; I hope the doctors know what they’re doing. Everyone assures me it’s quite effective, and the risks are not too high. Not too high? One of the risks is a stroke. I know this guy would rather die of a heart attack than to be mentally incapacitated by a stroke; however, a risk of stroke is acceptable if taking no action means certain death by heart attack. Statistics become meaningless when you reach the age of mortality.
What age is that?
Is it when I become anxious about other people dying, that I see my own death revealed in a convex mirror? Why convex instead of concave? Because convex is an outward movement, explosion rather than implosion. Life begins to bulge, swirling around a mid point. It is no longer a flat horizontal plane; the swirling patterns are at first hard to decipher. As one becomes accustomed to the new structure it appears to slows down. Perhaps it’s that we speed up to be better able to read the ever changing circular configuration. It might be like forming a permanently open synaptic gap between your short term memory and your long term memory. Not at all like dragging around a ball and chain, but rather more like being a reflective ball. There is no one dragging and nothing to drag.
“The observation of others is colored by our inability to observe ourselves impartially. We can never be impartial about anything until we can be impartial about our own organism.”
–A. R. Orage
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Tuesday Too
1.) Is there someone in your life who is or was your mentor? How did this person influence your life?
While there have been many people who have influenced me, there is one in particular who has been my computer guru over the last several years. That would be Su, who once jokingly said, “blog me.” Okay Su, I’m blogging you. She set me on this path that has forked here and then there, but always leading towards more of what I call techno mania, or internet obsession. Not that I mind my current compulsion, as a mater of fact I wouldn’t want it any other way. Whenever I can’t figure out what’s wrong with my computer hardware, or my own hardwiring, I call Su.
2.) What do you consider one of the biggest problems facing you as an individual?
Oh I have no problems whatsoever. Yeah, sure me and Mr. Potatoehead for world peace. I’d have to say currently it’s overcoming my natural inclination to procrastinate, which is a definite deficit in trying to complete my thesis before the credit police wipe my slate clean. In this case a clean slate would not be a good thing.
3.) What’s your favorite movie and why?
This question has probably been asked by every question nut (myself included) out there, but I’d like to know. If you’ve already answered this question in you blog or journal just give a link to your prior post. I’ve seen more movies in the last few months than I’ve seen in the last five years, but still I would say it’s one I saw a long time ago – Flatliners. Why? Because I’m fascinated not by death, but by the implied meaning of dreams in the movie and the daring curiosity of the characters. And even though it might be out of fashion, I have a passion for Julia Roberts.
Post your URL in the comment.
“We live in a moment of history where change is so speeded up that we begin to see the present only when it is already disappearing.”
–R. D. Laing
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Research
Just a quick hello, from “Researchville”. Much struggling and cussing and have finally finished one of the universities that I randomly sampled via email (with permission) by posting to every 5th person on the roster. Now it’s a matter of waiting and hoping that I get a few more participants. I now have 43 subjects. Ideally I’d like 120 subjects; I’ d be satisfied (okay to analyze data) with 100 at this point.
How come I’m not linked yet?
Way too much thesis pressure at the moment. I haven’t even finished cruising last Tuesday Too’s sites. No wonder I’m into too. Will do soon. The post for the Tuesday Too will be posted around around 5 AM Tue. morning eastern standard time.
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